'AITA For Not Giving Son His Late Brother's College Fund' -- Reddit Story (2023)


Two Hot Takes host, Morgan, is joined by guest co-host Lauren! This is a tough moral dilemma... and while the mom didn't do anything wrong.. maybe it could've been handled better. What do you think?

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Am i the [ __ ] for only paying for a portion of my son's college, even though we had money from his dead brother's college fund, i female58 will always be a mother to my twin sons, thomas and sam, in the summer after they graduated when they Were 18 thomas passed away? I can't even begin to explain how broken i was at that point.

Sam had already accepted an offer to go to an ivy league school.

My husband and i had about 100k each saved up for the boys, but sam's school was so expensive that the money wouldn't cover it before thomas passed.

Sam was fine with taking out student loans to cover the rest when we lost thomas less than two months after it happened, sam asked if he could have the 100k that was set aside for thomas, i lost it on him.

I told him that it was thomas's money and not his and it deserved to go to thomas.

This is where i might be the [ __ ], because sam could have used that money, but he didn't get a scent of it.

To be fair, my husband and i didn't get a son of it either we donated it all to various charities against drunk driving in memory of thomas.

That was about 10 years ago.

Sam took out student loans, but he's so young and already a very successful lawyer.

I believe he's paid off most of the loans by now, possibly all if it matters at all my husband and i contributed a significant amount about 50k to his law school tuition as well.

I thought we were past it, but the other day sam brought up how unfair it was for me to refuse to give him thomas money.

We had a tearful argument over it and now i just don't know what to think.

If i could do it again.

I still don't think i would give the money to sam.

Does that make me an [ __ ] i mean why, couldn't she have just given some of it and then give the rest to charity? It's my thought, yeah.

I guess it depends on like that.

Would that was like my initial thought too.

I'M like well like how much did your? How much did you have to take out in student loans because, like i know, firsthand how burdensome they are and like it's a miserable weight hanging over your head so like if his parents had the ability to help him it's kind of kind of crazy yeah? So it's like, if he only needed to take out 50k extra in student loans like, like you, said, give him 50k 50k to charity.

Yeah yeah i mean i could see how that would be hurtful for him.

I don't really lost his twin yeah and, like he's just like this, could help out and it's money that was put aside for him and if his twin was alive, i have a feeling i mean i guess i don't know how close they are, but i have A feeling he might want that to go to his brother.

You know what i mean, so i think that's why it's kind of like that is a really touchy subject, but, like it's not like the thing is she didn't go and blow it on, like some crazy [, __ ], 400.

000 purse.

You know like she, it was something that was in the name of her son, who passed away yeah and to like feel like she was helping other people prevent that you know so, like i don't think anyone's really an [ __ ].

It's just a sticky situation.

No, so i don't know i'm very torn on this one.

The overall vote on it is [ __, ] yeah.

I mean i i think like.

If anyone's gon na be the [ __ ], i would say it was her but like i don't really think that she's an [, __, ], she's, also mourning and that's what she did to like make herself feel like better yeah.

So that's what i was gon na point out um the comment.

I told him that it was thomas's money and not his, and it deserved to go to thomas she's, clearly still holding onto this idea that it's thomas's money, even though thomas is not there she's clearly going through it.

A mom just lost her child, like that is unimaginable, grief, no mother or father.

Also how long um after did he ask for the money? Was it right after about two months so, okay, which yeah it might be considered early but like he died right after they graduated high school and there's only three months, you know sometimes even shorter right before you go from.

You know high school graduation to college, especially if they're in the states, but it makes sense that she was ultra like taken aback by it yeah yeah, so there's an edit.

Some people are confused about the way i worded things.

Here's a better explanation of the money.

We had two separate accounts for the boys.

Each account had 100k in it.

That's 100k.

Sorry, i'm pronouncing that weird after thomas passed, sam still got the 100k.

He always knew he'd get.

He just didn't get the additional 100k from thomas account.

We never took money away from sam yeah.

We just didn't give him extra money that he wouldn't have had if thomas had been alive.

So top comment on this one comments: kind of pop off too you're, the [ __ ].

Although i'm sorry for your loss, your living son is grieving too.

His life was forever affected by his brother's loss.

You could have supported him and made it easier by helping him financially, and instead you made it clear that his brother's memory is more of a priority to you.

Surely thomas would have wanted that money to help his brother yeah.

If i was your remaining child, i would have been so heartbroken yeah edit to all the people saying it's a ridiculous amount.

This was not party money, it's not money.

The living brother is going to spend away on luxuries cars houses.

This is a college fund.

The money goes and alleviates the stress of taking out loans, so i mean he's a lawyer, so he had to go to not just undergrad.

Clearly yeah, not a school, a lot of money yeah they go on.

Just basically saying my judgment is based purely on the fact that their living sun is hurting too, and it will probably affect the rest of his life.

Any kind of support and stress relief could help him in a better place and not taking out.

Loans seems to be a really fair desire to have, after losing your literal, other half, but well, especially when it's right there, you know it's not like.

No, it sounds like they're wealthy enough.

I definitely did not have a hundred thousand dollars to the side for me.

So it's like it probably was just hard when it was like it's right there and, like we said thomas would probably have wanted him to have that money and yeah exactly and like, and i just i think what a good thing would be is to like split It you know, like i think that would have been the best solution yeah.

I think she just like wanted to prove a point like this is thomas's money yeah like she was hurting, but that's what i'm saying if it was thomas's money? What would he do with it? Yeah you know so yeah i i mean what she did with.

It was a really kind and amazing thing to do.

You know she gave it to charities that were helping prevent other people to go through what she went through yeah.

So it's like and whatever what they all went through, not just her.

No, i know it just like.

I think in the moment, the way she said it.

If it were me, i would have felt very disregarded.

Yeah, like you care more about my dead sibling than helping me yeah, which is kind of what this commenter pointed out.

Next comment goes: if i'm reading this right, they gave him 150 000 and they're an [ __ ] for not making it a quarter of a million really which they gave him 150.

So they gave him the 100k and then 50k for law school, which yeah there's a [ __ ] ton of money.

It's a good point, but i think yeah with that being said, like obviously not everyone has that privilege like to have just because it was right.

There yeah to have that kind of money like for your college fund, like that's kind of otherworldly to me, yeah, like i didn't, have help with all this at all, like i took out all my loans clearly so like yeah, that's just like unimaginable for me to Have that assistance, but that's a certain level of privilege right so clearly they have money.

So, if they're putting 100k in each kid's college fund - like you don't know, if that's like going to starbucks for them right, like in the scheme of their life, like what is 100k, especially if they were willing to give them, then 50k more right, but like we Just don't know, but that is, that is a good point.

They did give him a lot of money, but yeah, but i mean it it's.

I think it's more the principle it's just like it was there yeah, and it was something that he probably thinks my brother would have wanted me to have and that you're just like nope yeah, like that's that's hard yeah, especially that is so crazy, like what do They do that is so much money to like have saved up.

I know i mean my my parents helped me with college but like that is oh yeah and i yeah that's so much money like what the [ __, ], yeah well and he's hurting, and i can't imagine even going to freshman year after you just lost your Brother, a couple months ago, like i would have needed a gap year or two like same so.

I like look at the stress too, where he's like he's grieving he's trying to be a freshman in college, which is already difficult enough, then taking on loans potentially having to work to afford it.

It's a lot to put on an 18 year old child yeah um a couple other top comments.

I don't think they're [ __ ] for not giving the money it's the way they lashed out at their son.

That's so awful! They worded it in such a bad manner.

That's the [, __ ] part.

Someone goes.

Let me ask if you were reeling from your son's death and the body wasn't cold and your other son asked for his money.

Would you feel happy slash, elated or pretty pissed off that your sons, their brother's funds, are more important to the other twin and someone replies to that and goes.

I think it's unhealthy that she had an emotional attachment to the money, which is a tool to help the kids get through college debt-free.

If one child passed, i wouldn't hesitate to move that money to the others.

It's not like.

He asked for his clothes or his room or his bike or his car.

It was cold, hard cash, much less emotion there, yeah edit.

I don't even see college savings as belonging to one kid necessarily, in my opinion, it's a this is what the pot is.

It's being split between the kids situation.

Money for education is a tool to help your kids get a leg up in life, not some trinket or monument.

So there's a lot of comments.

So how is she going to resolve this with her son? Who's clearly still very hurt.

Yeah, i think whole family should uh seek some therapy.

She didn't do an edit or a follow-up.

I'M going to look at her comments now.

So there's not really a lot of comments.

There's one where she clarifies kind of the two separate accounts again, but there's one that is different.

So someone goes info.

If your son decided to change to a much cheaper and less pretentious college - and it was only for financial reasons, would you have supported this decision or would you have tried to convince him to stay at the ivy league school and opie goes it's hypothetical, so we'll Never truly know, but because sam was getting ready to leave for college when thomas passed he already was planning to take out student loans.

It wasn't like i withheld money from him.

He still got his 100k.

He just didn't get thomas as well, because he was already planning to take out loans to cover what the 100k didn't cover and i wanted thomas's money to go to the charities and someone, like my husband thought.

I know someone goes in your grief.

You made a choice to support a charity in the name of your dead son instead of ensuring a better life for your living one.

While i understand your choice, i can't say i agree with it, because your living son also experienced a great loss, but it could have been a wonderful gift from his dead brother to be able to go to school without debt, while dealing with his grief could also Have been split, sizable donation to charity and a great help to your son yeah, which is what they should have done realistically and also i mean, did she do her research on the charities? I i just so that is good, there's just something that you just yeah.

That is a very, very, very good point.

You make.

Someone basically commented that, though, and they're like honestly, you just donated 100k to the charities, ceo's salary - that's like sadly, yeah like.

If you look - and this is what's like really sad - i think about non-profits or like not sad, but i guess just like kind of a flaw in the non-profit world is like you can have a non-profit company, but you can still have like the ceo making millions Yeah, because that's their salary, that's so crazy, like yeah, it's not like a reg like a going off the average salary.

It's like they can name their salary and because it's a nonprofit, they're tax exempt, like that to me, is just kind of [ __ ] up and like.

If you look at a lot of the biggest non-profits like the ceos, are getting millions and millions of dollars.

Millions and they're supposed to be charities.

How can you justify taking money for your own salary when it should be going to support those good causes, like he's kind of sick kind of sick? It's wild

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